George Anderson considers his own doubts

from george anderson


I hear so often from people who feel dejected that they haven't received a "sign" from loved ones in any discernible way since their loved one's passing. The souls tell us they are part of our lives in ways we can't even imagine, but that sometimes we feel we can't see the forest for the trees. I found myself in the same circumstance a few years back, which is rather surprising, given that I hear from the souls every day. But we're creatures of habit, and sometimes it takes us having to re-think what we are really looking for in order to actually see it. You'd be surprised what a little "attitude adjustment" can bring. I wrote this story a few years back, but I think it bears re-printing, because sometimes when I tell people about signs, they roll their eyes and say, "well sure--for YOU." I'm in your boat--I hear the souls, but I still have my human doubts about those in my own life. I hope you enjoy the story and find some inspiration to think differently about our loved ones and "signs." The story below:

---You know the old adage that "even cowboys get the blues?" Well, even mediums get the blues. Well, not so much the blues, per se--but those who work in the spiritual field sometimes experience a point where they doubt their own faith, and need to look past themselves for inspiration and hope only the souls can provide. So, in essence, a little while ago, even this "cowboy" got the blues.

I remember reading a few years back that in letters to friends and others to whom she looked for spiritual guidance, Mother Teresa admitted that at times she doubted her own faith, and feared being a hypocrite. After my own bout of spiritual doubt, I could easily understand how anyone could one day wake up and suddenly think that their hope and faith was maybe an illusion. I have heard this very sentiment from many, many people who have experienced a loss, even though they believe with all their heart that their loved ones live on. But hope and faith are a funny thing--they cannot be felt, or measured or weighed, except in your mind and heart. Inevitably, there will come that time when each of us, no matter how spiritual, will say, "but what if my heart and mind is wrong?"

My moment of doubt came recently, and very unexpectedly. For some reason, as my mind wandered during some mundane task on my day off, I thought about my mother. My mother was one of the rare few people in those early days of my career that was so convinced I was communicating to the souls, that she was literally my number one fan. I say literally, because when I was working on "Psychic Channels" in the 1980's my mother was so proud of her "Psychic George," as I was known then, that she wore a shirt around town that read 'Psychic George's Mom." I thought at the time that she was crazy, but she was so proud and so unwavering in her belief in my ability that it was more sweet than crazy.

During my thoughts, it hit me that my mother had never really made communication to me in any solid, extended way since she had passed on. Yes, I had seen her in my mind on occasion, and heard from her very briefly, but it suddenly surprised me that the one person who was so sure of my ability, never really took advantage of it, to communicate at length about her life on the other side. Suddenly I wondered to myself why that could be, and I started feeling doubt about how and why ANY soul would want to communicate. I suddenly felt the fear that thousands of the bereaved feel at one time in their life or another--suppose it's just an illusion? Maybe we create it because we want so badly to hear it?

With everything I have heard and everything that I know about the souls in the last 50 years of hearing from them, you'd think doubt like this could never happen. But I am human too, and my fear is the same as every other person out there with their faith and their hope. But I do know better. And because of that, I decided not to allow this kind of doubt into my mind and not to allow myself to fall victim of what everybody knows is a fact of human nature--we doubt what we can't hold solid. Instead, I decided to put the souls to the test.

I thought to myself, 'If my mother is listening, then she will show me proof." I chose a symbol that would be pretty odd if I did see it--red feathers. It's not something you would come across every day, so the sight of it would definitely be something unusual for me.

Later that afternoon, a beautiful cardinal landed in the backyard and opened its wings as it landed very near me. "Too easy," I thought to the souls--"I see cardinals all the time. You have to do better."

Several days later, and having forgotten all about my fears and my demands of the hereafter to "prove" to me they are listening, I decided to go into New York City with my friends. Every Saturday on the west side, there is a flea market with the most unusual things you could find--everything from hand made items from many different cultures, to antiques and clothing. I'm not much of a shopper, but we walked through the stalls of people selling their wares, and I found my own thoughts just wandering again, not looking at anything in particular-- just enjoying the sights, the sounds and the colors of the market.

And there it was. It nearly hit me in the face.

I turned around because I thought I heard my name being called, and I nearly walked into a hat rack at one of the antiques stalls. I caught myself before I hit it, and as my eyes came back into focus, I was staring straight at an old fashioned woman's hat among a few that were hanging on the stand. This one was inches from my nose. A hat made up completely of red feathers. At first I found it funny, but then my mind turned to gratitude to the souls who try so hard to save us from ourselves and our doubt. It was probably the ugliest hat I had ever seen, but it was covered in red feathers. I got the message. I also thanked my mom for working so hard to get it through my thick skull that she, like every one of the souls, has always been listening, no matter how crazy our thoughts about them may be, and no matter how persistent our doubt.

Of course the souls exist, and we know it very well. How could we not know--they help us every day, in ways we know and ways we could never imagine. Yes, have your doubt, think about it, wallow in it. Don't worry though--the souls are very patient. They will wait for you to remember they exist, and then they will continue to walk with you through every step of the way back to them.